Dating versus Hanging Out

Dating has become a rare thing that occurs today. Couples tend hang out instead of going out on a date. My grandma says when she was growing up the boys asked girls on dates. When they went on dates, there was a plan. They got to know each other and had a good time. Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a great talk about dating versus hanging out. He said, "Knowledgeable observers report that dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally. It has been replaced by something called 'hanging out.'"

Is it important to date rather than hang out? Hanging out can be defined as a group of young men and young women getting together to join in a group activity. Hanging out is more casual. Dating is different because it is pairing off and getting to know each other on a one on one basis which can lead to a relationship and marriage in some cases. Elder Oaks gives great counsel to those that don't quite understand what a date should include. "A "date" must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off." Dating can help you get to know someone better. If the boy has planned what time to pick his date up, the activities in the middle, and the time they will be home, one can assume he is a responsible young man. A girl could also assume her date is okay with not spending a lot of money if he plans a cheaper date such as horseback riding and a picnic or a date to go hiking. Dating is crucial in finding an eternal companion.

We are all here to progress towards eternal life. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be married and have children to give them the opportunity to come this earth. It's part of the plan and we will all have the opportunity in this life or the next, but we have to do our part in progressing with the Lord's plan. We can't find a companion without dating. Also in Elder Oaks talk he says, "My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football. Marriage is not a group activity—at least, not until the children come along in goodly numbers." We can start preparing now for this wonderful opportunity. Get a good education, live a virtuous life, make every day count, get on your feet and move.  

Gender Roles

Think about it, what are gender roles? A Proclamation to the World states that, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." Heavenly Father created males and females as opposites for a reason. He does not make mistakes. We are the way we are for a reason. We each have different roles to fulfill and it is for a purpose. We are here to find an eternal companion, compliment one another, and multiply and replenish the earth. It's a beautiful thing. Many people want to be equal with the opposite gender. We can be equal without being the same.

In Genesis 2:18, the Lord says, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." The Lord wants us to find someone who can compliment us, who can help us fulfill our gender roles. God created Eve as an aid or helper worthy of Adam. Just like Adam and Eve we will have the opportunity in this life or the next to find that helper. In the Proclamation to the World it talks about the roles of a mother and father. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." Adam and Eve worked together as equal partners; they created a full partnership. In Moses 5:1, there is a great example of this relationship. After Adam was driven from the Garden of Eden, he "began to till the earth … and to eat his bread by the sweat of his brow. … And Eve … did labor with him." (italics added) President Marion G. Romney said, "The word with … is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotes a common purpose, understanding, cooperation, and love. …
"Even when circumstances justify a wife’s working away from home to support her family, she should be laboring 'with,' not on her own nor in conflict with her husband. …
"In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one."
Often times, women feel like their voice is not heard. They feel their role is not as important as the father who is the patriarch of the home. It is true, the males are to preside over the family, but this does not mean that women are less important or that their opinions do not matter. She is important because it's crucial for her to support her husband by making decisions for the family together, disciplining and guiding children together, and she needs to encourage him to fulfill his duties. President Kimball said, "When we speak of marriage as a partnership, let us speak of marriage as a full partnership. We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner."He could not of said it better. Husbands and wives can work together as one and be equal partners. Each role is essential.  

Are all cultures equally valuable?

Are all cultures equally valuable? This was a question that sparked a lot of discussion in our Family Relations class. It would interesting to me and I learned a lot. We can start off by breaking down the question to understand it better. Cultures: customs, beliefs. Equally: same value or measure as another. Valuable: legitimate, fair or reasonable, sound basis, legal, or effective. So when looking at our Heavenly Father's plan and what his purpose of families is, are all cultures equally valuable? The purpose of families is to protect and rear children in righteousness, facilitate experiences for children to progress towards eternal life, and to teach eternal principles. Our Heavenly Father desires cultures where these principles are upheld.

You might ask, how is it possible to assume someone's culture is not valuable if they do not know anything about the gospel. Not everyone has the opportunity to have a culture where the gospel is taught, but it is up to us members to share the gospel with those around us to give them the opportunity we have. We need to be member missionaries. In the past conference, it was stressed a couple of times about the importance of being a member missionary and to join the full time missionaries in their service. If our family culture has strayed a bit from the path, we have to get back to the Lord's way. His way is always the right way and it will lead us back to him. If we weren't raised in a culture where the gospel is taught, then we can change. We can raise our future families in the gospel. Things can change. Change is sometimes hard, but when it is for the better, it is always worth it. I believe there is value in every culture that is centered around family, but we can add more value as we share the gospel and live by gospel principles.

Family Theories

Throughout the week, we have discussed and read articles about different family theories. There are 4 main theories, but 3 that I would like to discuss.

1. Systems Theory: Each person in a family plays a certain role in the family unit. Every single person is important because they all play a special part even the child that is considered the bad child of the family. For example, when one of the children gets in trouble, probably the other children tend to glow because they weren't the ones getting in trouble. Sometimes the bad child can provide balance in the family. If the parents are in an argument, the bad child can draw attention to himself which results sometimes in the parents forgetting about their problems. You can think about the family as a machine. When something goes wrong, it effects every person.

2. Exchange Theory: "you owe me" idea. Example: If mom does the dishes, then children wash the dishes. Usually this idea is not discussed it is just to be understood by each member of the family. If one person seems to think they are not getting enough back for what they are doing, the relationship falls apart. In order for this not to happen, it is crucial that each family member is unselfish. Helping out and thinking about everyone else will help to make a happier family.

3. Symbolic Interaction Theory: Family members are shaped by their experiences in life. This one to me is by far the most interesting and I think in my own family is the most common. Nothing has to be said, it is just understood. For example, if mom rolls her eyes, it's understood that she is annoyed or upset. If dad raises his voice, it is understood that he is upset. Everything we do is through symbols. All behavior has meaning. If a child begins to shut down and not say anything at all, one can tell that through his behavior something is obviously wrong. It is important to make it clear what we are feeling or trying to get across with our behaviors. Most often they are misinterpreted. Sometimes a husband will try and be helpful out of love, but his wife takes it as he is being overbearing and controlling. Communication is key in every family. If we learn to communicate, many problems would most likely be solved.

In all of these family theories, loving one another is the most important. When we love one another, it will be easier to be unselfish and to communicate with each other. When we do these things our families will be happier. Love the Lord because he can make each of us stronger. We will then be better contributor to making a successful family.

"The Lord didn't tell us it would be easy, but he has assured us it would be possible." ~Dallin H. Oaks.